I am typically an early morning riser. Getting up before the sun dawns allows me a peaceful stillness. An empty time, where I bask in watching darkness subtlely transform into light. I often meditate, just sit with the quiet. Listen as the skies slowly pinken. I am mesmerized by the magic of twilight every day.
But the day eventually bursts into full blown sunrise and the dynamic changes as soon as the sun crests the horizon. Light shines everywhere. It’s unavoidable. And with it comes an expectation of fulfilling to-do lists. Of making something happen.
Lately, however, I wake up in the middle of the night and write. I’ve become a 2am-er rather than a 5am-er. It’s meditative in a different way. It’s like dreaming in an awakened state. Connected to my subconscious mind and something more. Surfing my thoughts as they reckon with my spirit. While there is no immediate promise of mezmerizing, gorgeous skies, or any temptation to be still with oneness, I am fluid. I sense an actual purpose.
One day I may even share it with the world. But for now it's a very private moment in a sleeping world where no one notices I exist. Even me. Because this me that writes is someone new. She is born out of night’s mystery and the peaceful vibration of knowing that nothing needs to be accomplished right now. My thought meandering is its own free-spirited meditation. I am undistracted. Uninterrupted. Unnecessary. I am creatively alone and exist just to be.
What freedom to just be and reflect! To play with my thoughts and my wandering mind. My amusements. Sometimes I get so excited that I just want to stay up all night and often do. Tomorrow and all its distractions, chores and realities can wait. I am simply in love with my blank slate. My canvas of serenity. My musings. So I bask in prioritizing these dark hours, ironically lit up and brilliant. There is no waiting around for my life to start or things to happen. No one can find me or text me or expect me to respond. I am living happily in the now with no future to anticipate or navigate. I find supreme joy here. Unconditional bliss.
I don’t write for anyone else. I have no audience. I write for me. To discover my voice. I write every day. Every night. Until it’s such a part of me that it’s just inherent. It's a path that guides me to who I am. And to who I’m becoming.
